Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Updates

I realized the other day (while wrestling Bennett in church :)) that he is 4 months away from going to nursery.  That is not a very long time at all.  How is he getting to that point already?  I swear Beau just went to his first day (which was also in this exact ward the very week we moved here for residency).  Bennett feels far too little to be in nursery.  Four more months is a long time in reality, but it sure doesn't feel that way.  I think I may have slept through months 8-13 of his life maybe.  Or maybe not, since I don't actually get enough sleep usually? :)  I'm not ready for my kids to grow up yet.

Life is just speeding by.  Some days that's okay, other days it's not.  Busy days, work, and kids have put my days on fast forward.  I am 6 weeks away from turning 31.  I am not okay with that at all.  But on that same exact day, Devin becomes a third year resident.  I am totally okay with that one.  So bittersweet I guess?  I feel so young, yet cannot believe my twenties are already gone.  Like, long gone....I'm almost thirty ONE.  A lot of days I think about what post-residency life will be like---that's only natural considering there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I/we get so excited.  But at the same time I do enjoy my simple little life now, too.  I hate to see time go too fast, or wish time away, no matter how hard certain aspects of our current phase of life have been.  It's just odd to think about some bigger changes happening.  We've been in the student/resident phase for so long. 

As I've started putting Bennett in Beau's "toddler" clothes, and I signed Beau up for swimming lessons this summer, I think it's time for an update.  Just for my sake.  Because really, no one reads this anymore. 

Beau:
-talking, talking, talking, TALKING.  So much.  We have full conversations, I can give him choices, and reason with him.  3 going on 15 some days.  (He asks me almost every day, "So Mom, how was your day?")  Sometimes I have to remind myself he really is only 3, and not to trust him too much :) 
-still my sweetheart and oh so happy, but man have we dealt with some attitude lately.  He can be a stinker when he wants to be!!  We're kind of struggling with some hitting, and he can throw a fit like a true 3 yr old.  We never really had the terrible twos, but I think the terrible threes may be here?  He actually seems to be getting over it as of the last few weeks, but we've had a LOT of time out lately.  Cute Beau.  He's a tender heart most of the time.  It's hard to ever actually be mad at him.  Gosh I love him.
-so energetic, needs Bennett to be a little bigger so they can really play.  Beau is finally getting to that point where he is legitimately bored.  He is so ready for preschool, and other activities.  I looked into T-ball, but we'll have to wait until the fall.  He gets to hang out with good old mom and baby brother until he starts real preschool in August.  He really does love Bennett though.  He doesn't love to share toys with him, but if anyone else comes close to him he pushes them away or asks them not to touch him.
-so tall, and still growing.  He has been waking up complaining of leg pains, and rubs his shins and calves.  He is tall enough to be in a booster, but I don't always use it because he doesn't always stay sitting upright, and moves the seatbelt.  So until he is actually safe to stay in it, I switch back and forth depending on the car we're in.
-is in Sunbeams now, and does pretty good!  He has given the scripture twice, and this last time he actually said it!  Well, he tried.  Those are some big words.  And on Mother's Day he marched right up to the stand to sing to the moms for Mother's Day.  I totally cried.  So cute.  He is the youngest kid in our primary, so it's just cute to watch him.
-he is addicted to TV.  And the tablet ("tab-o-let" in Beau wording).  And my phone.  Parent fail.  (and yes he still sleeps with us, double parent fail)
-still a horrible eater.  No clue where those growing pains are coming from.
-Beau is just the best.  He is my little buddy, and so easy going and happy.  Those big blue eyes and blonde hair.  I love him.


Bennett:
-my little guy.  He's still has a bunch of baby weight/elastic bands on his arms and legs, but in reality he is a tiny little thing.  Barely 5% for everything!!  Most people are surprised to hear how old he is because he's so tiny.  Which is deceiving because he really walks well.  It's hard to gauge his age.
-because he's so little, he's not fitting into Beau's clothes as fast as I expected.  Some things yes, but other things are on hold for a little while longer. :)
-a better eater than his brother by far.  He will eat us out of house and home, and a good portion of our grocery shopping trips are to buy "Bennett food".  Keep those grocery bills coming though.........as long as he eats!!  He loves the Plum brand of baby food, so I kind of hate Whitney for introducing us to them (they are pricey!) but also love her since he gets his fruits and veggies every single day.  Not sure why Beau is growing like a week, and Bennett is not?
-not talking a ton, he says about 3 words.  And I'm sure the fact that he has a binky doesn't help.  But I just can't take it away.  He loves it.  He'll raise his chubby little arms and hands in the "I don't know" position, which means he's asking where his binky is.  (Because I'll always do the same when I can't find it and say, "Where's your binky?")   Bennett tends to communicate a lot in non-verbal ways.  I need to be better about weaning off the binky, but I am not ready yet.
-is a great sleeper.  He goes down around 7:30 or 8:00 every night, and sleeps until about the same time, or later, the next morning.  It is awesome.  He loves his crib, and as soon as we hand him his (cheetah!) blanket, he snuggles right in and goes to sleep.  He graduated from his small minky blankets a while ago because he struggled keeping warm at night.  I started wrapping him up in those big soft blankets from Costco, and he was hooked.  It's too heavy for him to actually carry around, so he just sits next to it and holds it, or tries to tuck it under his arm to bring it with him (which never works).
-Bennett is a more reserved child.  (He takes after me in that regard).  He can be opinionated and playful when he wants to be, but overall he is a quieter baby.  He is a cuddly little guy, and is just so darn cute and squishy.  Those big brown puppy eyes........I'll give him anything he wants. :)
-He has 8 teeth, 4 on bottom, 4 on top (and so headed for an orthodontist!)
-He is sick ALL the time.  I swear we quit nursing and bam, he hasn't been healthy since.  I'm ready for his immune system to catch up.
-Has a smile and dimples identical to his big brother (thank goodness!!).  And the same fluffy blonde hair (his nickname is actually "fluffy").  He has less of it compared to Beau's mop of hair, but they are similar in that regard. 
-Bennett is good for my mom heart.  I am very protective of him, and cherish the (very few) times he'll sleep on my chest for a few minutes.  He may be a very snuggly baby, but when he's ready for bed he wants to be put down and in his crib.  There is nothing better than holding a sleeping baby, so I've stolen a few sleeping baby moments this week since he's been sick. :)

Love these 2 little guys.  They are just the best.  A few pictures more because I take a billion pictures but know I never will really look at them again.  Might as well post a few in there to remember how they look now :)





















 




 





 

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day

So much of motherhood---like so many things in life---has taken me by surprise.  Like how hard it is.  And how messy (so messy!!) it is.  And exhausting.  And not on my schedule one little bit.  And emotionally draining.  And stressful.  And anxious.  And all-consuming.  And heartbreaking.  And frustrating.  And I-thought-I-was-tired-when-I-worked-graveyards-but-then-had-kids-and-discovered-what-tired-really-was.  And it's also probably the BEST. THING. EVER. 

While I won't lie about how demanding becoming a parent has been, it is also one of the most rewarding things---if not THE most rewarding thing---I have ever experienced.  These two little boys have my whole heart.  I think they are perfect, and hope they always know even a little bit how wonderful they really are.  They couldn't be more opposite in so many ways, yet are so similar in so many other ways!  I think about them growing up into boys/teenagers/men/husbands/fathers some day and I'm excited to see who and what they become. 

I know some days--a lot of days--I'm a complete failure as a mother.  I am nothing compared to so many other great women/moms in this world.  I have to try not to focus on others too much.  But I can only hope that they will grow up knowing I gave my very best.  That I have tried my best to teach them all I can to be good people.  That they will know they are perfect, and to always strive to be GOOD.  Because some day, they too will be parents.  It'll be their turn to have their hearts go walking around outside their bodies in the form of a little person.  I never knew how great my parents (and other so many amazing parental figures) were in my life until I had kids myself.  (Okay, I always knew my parents were great, but having kids myself just really reinforced that knowledge).  I sure love these two little guys, and am so grateful they are mine forever!





























 

(pictures taken in March for Bennett's first birthday)